10 Ways to Help When Adult Children Are Questioning Their Faith
If your young adult children are questioning their faith, you are not alone! Many of us worked diligently to cultivate a durable faith in our kids when they were young, but we struggle when it comes to figuring out how best to support them as they question, doubt, and struggle to make their faith their own.
My precious assistant, Natalie, is a 25-year-old who was raised in a Christian home. After numerous conversations with friends and young adult family members, she came to me and asked if we could write this post. Her hope was to help midlife parents understand the challenges their adult kids face when it comes to maintaining their faith in today’s world.
I loved the idea because I hear from heartbroken parents whose adult children are questioning their faith on a regular basis. I struggle to help them and usually just recommend THIS excellent book. Then I tell them I will pray for them. And I do. But I always wish I could do or say more.
I’m so grateful to Natalie for her willingness to open up and be vulnerable in this post. We worked together to come up with practical, loving ways to help you if your adult children are questioning their faith.
NOTE: Throughout this post, Natalie’s words are in standard print, and Suzy’s are in italics.
Why Are So Many Young Adults Questioning Their Faith?
Believing in God and trusting in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior is a decision that will impact your thoughts, words, and actions, throughout your life. Most people who grew up in the Christian faith begin to ask questions or have doubts at some point, and the young adult years are typically when many people stray from the faith.
Everyone has doubts, but the truth is, recent generations face more temptation than previous generations. Culture bombards us with anti-Christian media and information. The things of this world that God warns us about (the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life, 1 John 2:15) are actively promoted in music, entertainment, society, and politics.
Personally, I’ve noticed that the “intensity” of my faith has ebbed and flowed throughout my life. Sometimes I feel the closeness of God and see him in everything around me. Other times I wonder why I don’t feel his presence. As someone who grew up in a Christian home, I spent my high school years attending church and church camp regularly.
“Faith…is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”
– C.S. Lewis
I loved growing up in church and going to church camp, and really “felt” the presence of God. I committed my life to the Lord, but then…life happened. In high school and college, I was exposed to new thoughts, temptations, values, and ways of life. Suddenly, God didn’t feel close, or even real, anymore. The drop in emotion from intense joy and faith to, well, reality, was shocking and left me questioning the truth.
“The great thing to remember is that though our feelings come and go God’s love for us does not.”
– C.S. Lewis
Many of my friends had the same experience and came out the other side with a stronger, truer, and more personal faith. While having a childlike faith is something God says he wants for us, as young adults, we must grow up in our faith. As we become adults and begin to think independently, we must find our own path spiritually.
But not all of my friends grew up in their faith. Many of my friends have struggled and gone through intense times of doubt. Everyone experiences growing up and entering adulthood differently, and questioning your faith is a part of that growth. If your adult children are questioning their faith, there are things you can do to help.
10 Ways to Help Adult Children Questioning Their Faith
Remember that doubt is a natural part of every Christian’s life. Believers are meant to acknowledge and wrestle with their questions. Our God is up to the task! If your adult children are questioning their faith or are on the fence about Christianity, don’t panic, and don’t close yourself off! This is a wonderful opportunity to show mercy and patience and to love them through it.
1. Live Out God’s Word
Don’t be preachy or nag! If your adult child isn’t attending church or is hanging out with the wrong crowd, one way to ensure they continue doing that is to nag them. Chances are, they will eventually tune you out and it will harm your relationship.
Instead, choose to live out God’s love. Sometimes too many words or the wrong words (even with the best intentions) can turn others away. Show your adult child through your mindset and actions how amazing God’s gift can be. If your adult child is struggling with their faith, the way they see you love others and live your life will be a powerful witness to them.
2. Manage Your Perspective
If your adult child brings up their uncertainty, questions, or doubts about their faith, your initial reaction will probably be to feel anxious, afraid, or even defensive. Don’t freak out or close yourself off! Instead, do your best to be sensitive, respectful, loving, and understanding. (This may be difficult!)
If the topic of faith arises, be grateful that your children feel you are trustworthy and open your arms to them. If you want to continue the conversation, they need to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you. Trust me when I say that creating a space in which your adult child feels they can be open, especially about serious things, will mean so much to them.
3. Don’t Blame Yourself
Being born in a garage doesn’t make you a car any more than being born into a Christian home makes you a Christian! It may be tough to watch, but our children’s faith must become their own at some point. Know that the Lord is up to the task of wooing their hearts. It may be hard to comprehend, but He loves them even more than you do!
“Jesus may ask us to roll away stones, but only He can raise the dead.”
– Michael Horton
Believing something simply because it’s all you’ve ever known doesn’t lead to true faith. As a parent, if your adult child goes through a season of unbelief, you may feel guilt or wonder what you did wrong. But the truth is that every adult is ultimately responsible for their own relationship with God. Jesus calls on us to serve others and share the Good News, but it is the Spirit alone that brings people to faith in the Gospel.
“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.“
– C.S. Lewis
My mom and I were discussing this topic in advance of writing this post, and she brought up a great analogy! She said that insisting your children love God simply because they were raised in a Christian household is like forcing them into an arranged marriage. If you’re in an arranged marriage, do you genuinely love the other person? If you first allow your children to go through the ups and downs of dating, you most likely will find that they find true love on their own. They will build a sustainable relationship because they worked on themselves, sought the truth, and developed a love that will last a lifetime.
(Natalie’s mom is a wise empty nester!)
4. Open Up & Find Common Ground
Affirm and Respect
When your adult children are questioning their faith, affirm and respect these things:
- Their commitment to logic and reason.
- Their willingness to wrestle with tough questions and have difficult conversations.
- Their belief that no one person has all the answers.
- Their courage in facing life and all of its hardships without a belief in an eternal life or a loving and forgiving God.
Look For Common Ground
Finding common ground with anyone you disagree with makes a conversation more productive. Put your relationship over “right.” Remember that your goal is to have a loving, affirming, civil discourse. Remember the acronym LMTL (listen more, talk less).
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
James 1:19 (NIV)
Being vulnerable helps others feel comfortable and makes them feel seen, heard, and understood. So, if you’ve ever questioned your faith, overcome obstacles in your spiritual journey, or had doubts, open up about these things to your adult kids. Share how you overcame your struggles. This will help them feel as if they are not alone.
Strive for a loving, open discussion where you will do more prayerful listening than talking! Be honest about your own doubts and struggles, and assure your kids of your unconditional love for them. Do your best not to cry, blame yourself, or get emotional during these conversations. If you need to do that later, it’s understandable! Find a good friend, a pastor, or your spouse to listen and pray with during this time.
5. Embrace Apologetics
One of the most commonly cited reasons for not believing in God, or Christianity, is that it defies logic and reason. Educating yourself will give you the freedom to confidently discuss the intellectual side of faith using reason and logic. Apologetics is the branch of theology concerned with the defense or proof of Christianity. (If you like C.S. Lewis then you will love apologetics!)
The books below are excellent resources for anyone wanting to learn more about apologetics. Whether you want to learn more about defending Christianity, are looking for a helpful gift, or simply want to deepen your own faith, these books will bless you.
My favorite book among the ones we shared above is The Case for Christ: A Journalist’s Personal Investigation of the Evidence for Jesus by Lee Strobel. I’ve given it to so many people—at all different stages of faith.
6. Pray, Pray, Pray
While you can pray for your adult children to find truth, peace, and strength in their faith, I also encourage you to pray for yourself. Pray that God gives you the confidence to hand over spiritual matters to Him, knowing that you have done your best and that it is the Spirit’s job to do the rest.
The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
James 5:16B (NASB)
Prayer changes things! I hope you’re praying for your adult kids regularly AND asking them to pray for you (regardless of where they are in their faith journey)! To see how I pray for my adult kids, you can check out THIS post.
7. Be Open About Your Own Faith
Live out your faith through actions and deeds, and let God’s love shine through your own life. My mom loves to talk about God by expressing her gratitude in front of us. She’ll talk about how beautiful nature is and express her appreciation that our family is healthy and still making memories together. Hearing her attribute these things to our Creator puts a simple reminder into my head that God really does bless us every day, even if I wasn’t paying much attention to it in my own heart.
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.”
– C.S. Lewis
8. Ask Forgiveness If You Need To (You Probably Do!)
As parents, we know we’re just sinners raising sinners! Humble acknowledgment, confession, and repentance of your failings as a parent will go a long way with your adult kids. Ask them to forgive you (Don’t say “I’m sorry,” but ask “Please forgive me?”) for any specific sin that may have created a stumbling block for your adult children in their faith journey.
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
9. Initiate Spiritual Conversations
Try initiating a “lighthearted” discussion about the world and faith with your adult children. The purpose of this is to spark their curiosity and get them to think about God a bit. It doesn’t have to be a deep discussion, but instead, simply relay an interesting quote you heard (like the one below) to get their brain churning on its own, searching for the truth behind the words.
Another lighthearted thing that has helped me with my faith is listening to Christian comedians! I love Trey Kennedy and Jake Triplett—they do stand-up comedy and have a podcast called Correct Opinions. It helps to hear hilarious Christians who can joke about relatable church things and make jokes about life in general. I think listening to these very likable guys can significantly influence a young adult who thinks Christians “aren’t cool”.
The church can have a reputation for being preachy or condemning, and sometimes it can feel like there is no room for laughing, humor, and lightheartedness. I love Natalie’s creative idea! Consider checking out those comedians as a way to connect with your adult kids.
10. Take Comfort
Finally, take comfort in the Lord throughout this time. As a parent, it must be challenging to see your adult children question or stray from the faith. Take heart! It can take time for your adult child to solidify their faith, and maturity and experience are great teachers! Know that your adult child may need to experience a bit more life before they realize just how much they need a Lord and Savior. Keep praying for them!
Navy & White Gingham Pullover | High Waist White Jeans | Pearl Drop Earrings
Many thanks to Natalie for her willingness to share her heart so openly! Isn’t she a treasure? If you have adult children who are questioning their faith, we would love to pray for them. Please feel free to leave a comment and just share a name. We will pray! And if you have thoughts or tips that we didn’t cover, please share those in the comments as well!
Beautiful post. Thank you both.
You are so welcome! I hope it was a blessing to you!
Thanks for reading, Susan! I’m so glad you liked it!
Wonderful post! Thank you Suzy and Natalie!
Aw, I’m so happy it was an encouragement to you! Many blessings!
I had a great time writing this! Thank you so much for reading!
Dear Suzy and Natalie,
Thank you so much for this post! I started to cry when I began reading it because I have a son who is questioning if God exists.
He is 25 and we raised him in a Christian home. He says he remembers accepting Yeshua when he was 8 years old, in our kitchen. So I hold onto Ephesians 1:13 that he is sealed with the Holy Spirit. My daughter (23) and her husband are walking very close to the Lord. But my son started questioning his faith back in high school when it was required to take classes about other religions, except Christianity.
What Natalie said about the world influences helped me understand what my son, Dalton, was experiencing. He started to read “science” books that didn’t line up with what the Bible teaches about creation. And his faith started to tumble.
I bookmarked this post and will refer back to it many times. I like Natalie’s mom! I also talk about all the wonderful little, and big, things that God does in my life. I try to make it my normal, everyday relaxed conversation. So that Dalton sees how intimate and loving Yeshua is.
Thank you again Suzy and Natalie! This post means SO much!
Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. I am so sorry for your struggle. Stay faithful in prayer for your boy. The Lord is at work in his life and Dalton’s story is still being written. I know what you shared was a blessing to others. We’re praying for you and Dalton!
Thank you so much Suzy!
Awww, Debbie thank you so much for commenting.
I am so happy to hear about your daughter and her husband. That is something to praise God for!
I am so sorry to hear about your son, I know that is so difficult. Please know that you are not alone!
Timothy Keller is one of my favorite pastors/authors to reference when it comes to defending Christianity on logical terms (which I believe includes science related objections). If you’re up to it, there is an entire chapter in Timothy Keller’s book, The Reason for God, dedicated to how science and Christianity do not actually conflict. Reading that might give you more insight into his thinking and also some practical responses to science-based objections he might have. Then, if it ever comes up in conversation, you will feel prepared to discuss it with him.
I pray that you find peace and comfort in the Lord, either way. I am also praying for Dalton, that he discovers the truth and finds lasting faith in Christ.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! 🙂
Thank you so much! It’s so encouraging to hear your story, it gives me hope for Dalton. Thank you for telling me about Timothy Keller’s book, I need all the help that I can get!😆
One thing that is encouraging is that Dalton has a roommate that is a strong Christian, they have been buddies for years, and he loves hanging out with our little family, so the Lord has surrounded him with a Christian support base. He also has found that dating non-Christian girls is NOT FUN! I can tell that the Lord has him in His hands!😃 But it is still heart breaking, so I pray for him everyday.
Thank you again for writing this post with Suzy. You have been a blessing to probably more people than you know!
Natalie & Suzy,
I am so blessed by this post! Thank you so much for sharing your heart Natalie! Our faith is such a personal thing so it’s so encouraging to have you step out & share about it in such a big way.
Please add CER to the list of those you are praying for. I am trying to leave her in God’s hands for Him to direct and grow her according to His plan, but it is hard. Blessing to you both!
Bless you, sweet Mama! We will be praying over CER. Nothing is too hard for our God! (Jeremiah 32:17).
Thank you for your comment!
Susan, thank you so so much for your encouraging comment!
This was something that has been on my heart for a while now so I’m so happy it was received with open arms.
I will be praying for CER! I know it is hard, but you are not alone.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! I so needed to read this! Practical advice as well as encouragement and understanding. Thank you so much!
You are so welcome! I’m so grateful to the Lord for laying this post on Natalie’s heart! She is a gem. I’m so happy it was a blessing to you, sweet girl. Thank you for taking the time to let us know.
Marie, thank you so much for your comment!
This was a tough subject to write about but I know it is all worth it when I get great feedback like this. I hope it was helpful and really appreciate your encouragement!
– Natalie 🙂
Thank you both for encouraging words and for the tips for walking through this season with our children. I love the perspective from Natalie being a young adult!
Our son went off to college and that is when the questioning began. We pray earnestly that he will come back to following the Lord. We will not let Satan discourage us as he often will when we see our son straying further away from the Lord. It is a daily battle with Satan but we claim the Word of God as our hope. I have a scripture on my wall that I read daily to remind me that the Lord is still working. Philippians 1:6 “Being confident in this that He who began a good work in you is will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Please pray for our son S. Thanks
Thank you so much for sharing about your precious son. The Lord loves him so! Stay faithful, Mama, and know that the Lord will continue to draw him unto Himself.
Lesa, thank you so much for your encouraging words. It was definitely a tough subject to write about, but I really wanted to speak about this, as I’ve experienced it and SO many of my friends have too.
I am so inspired by your strong faith and trust in the Lord. That is exactly what he asks of us and you are such a faithful servant. I will pray for your son and also that you find peace and comfort in Christ. You are not alone!
Thank you ladies for this post! T
You are so welcome! I’m so glad it was a blessing to you!
Thank you so much for this beautifully written, open and honest post! I greatly appreciate it as my adult children, Malynn and Samuel both are struggling with their faith. My heart has struggled with being broken because of it and yet, the reminder that all is in God’s hands and He is with them and working in their hearts gives me hope. Like you have said, prayer is precious and powerful!! Truly, truly, I thank you so much for this encouragement! I really needed it! God bless you both in this beautiful ministry! ❤️
Tammy, I appreciate your kind words so much! This was such a tough subject to write about but it is encouraging comments like yours that let me know it is worth it!
I am so sorry to hear about your children, I know that is weighing heavy on your heart. Please know that you are not alone – I’ve been where your kids are and so many of my friends have too. Trust in the Lord and lean on Him in difficult times. Never give up hope! I will be praying for you and your children.
Thank you for being real and knowing that your readers may be dealing with this difficult topic. My daughter has walked away from her faith too and I pray for her daily that God would be near her and speak to her heart. Your steps were either.a reminder to me that what I’m doing is helping or new challenges that I should look at doing. God bless you for your desire to help us.
Comments are closed.