6 Ways To Strengthen Relationships When Your Empty Nest Fills Up
When your empty nest fills up for the holidays, it’s an adjustment. Oh, it’s on, empty nesters. Not only is your peaceful, quiet, clean nest upended, but your workload multiplies. I hear you loud and clear.
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But if you’re like me, none of that matters. When your empty nest fills up again, your focus is on your kids, and your joy at having your chicks home to roost is boundless. So, how can you make the most of the time you have with your adult kids this holiday season? What can you do to strengthen relationships and build trust with those you love? Today, I’m sharing my game plan!
1. Be Intentional
Spend time thinking about your goals for your time with your kids. How can you strengthen relationships and build intimacy? What are your goals? How do you plan to accomplish them? (I highly recommend committing this to paper and praying about it.)
When my adult children are home, my goals are always the same: (1) To make our home and family a fun and positive place where they love to spend time; (2) To build them up and encourage them.
Ideally, having those two clear-cut goals will impact every word out of my mouth and everything I do. (That doesn’t always happen, but I pray about it constantly and try my best!)
2. Adjust Your Expectations
You’ve probably heard me say it before: Unrealistic expectations are thieves of joy. Whether we realize it or not, we all have expectations of how the holidays should look and feel. (I completely blame artists like Norman Rockwell for this!😂) In addition, when our kids come home, we tend to make assumptions about how our interactions and conversations will go. This is dangerous business! Don’t fall for it. No one can live up to these kinds of expectations. Not you. Not your kids. Think about your goals with your kids and resolve to go with the flow as much as possible.
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3. Be Positive and Radiate Love
When your kids are adults, your relationship with them shifts from one of parenting to one of friendship. If you want to stay relevant and important in their lives, you need to learn to be a good friend to them!
Good friends are good listeners; they ask good questions; they are respectful, encouraging, supportive, and thoughtful. They don’t give advice without being asked. If you want your kids to think of you as their friend, you’ll need to be the kind of friend they enjoy being around and can trust with their hearts.
If you’re like me, this will not come naturally! Why? Because when it comes to our kids, our default is still to parent them. Don’t fall into that trap! When you do (and you will), apologize and tell them you’re working on it. For more on this topic, see THIS post for more tips on having meaningful conversations with your adult kids.
4. Keep Your Sense of Humor
Don’t take yourself too seriously! Be quick to laugh at situations that will occur, mishaps that will arise, and especially at yourself. Look for the humor in the viral videos and Reels your kids show you (my young adult kids are obsessed) and the funny stories they tell. Laughter makes everything better. See THIS post for more tips on using humor to strengthen your relationship with your adult kids.
5. Lean on Your Support System
Undoubtedly, there will be times that you need to talk through a situation or even vent over the holidays. That’s totally normal. Make plans with your spouse or a trusted friend to be that support system for each other. I rely on my faith, my husband, and sometimes even deep breathing exercises (!) when things get exasperating or frustrating.
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6. Plan Some Activities
Whether your family likes games, crafts, puzzles, or activities, be sure to plan ahead! Here are some fun ideas.
GAMES
- LCR – This is the one we play at every family get together. (We use $1 bills instead of the chips!)
- 5 Second Rule – Pick a card, read the seemingly easy topic, then start the timer! With just 5 seconds to name 3 things that fit the topic, it’s not so easy!
- We’re Not Really Strangers – This card game is meant to enhance connections and create meaningful moments—Level 1: Perceptions, Level 2: Connection, Level 3: Reflection. Be prepared to feel all the feelings.
- Hot Seat – Discover who knows you best – All players answer, pretending to be the person in the Hot Seat. (Click through and check out the video.) This is the game we added to our family collection this year!
- Out of the Loop – You play it right from an app on your phone! It’s great when you have a big group.
ACTIVITIES
- Holiday Light Tour – Drive or walk through neighborhoods with the best Christmas light displays. Not sure where to find them? Google “drive-through holiday light displays near me” and see what comes up!
- Seasonal Sporting Event – Attend a holiday hockey game or winter festival nearby.
- Christmas Movie & Snacks Marathon – Watch classics like Home Alone or Elf with themed snacks!
- Ice Skating – Head to an outdoor or indoor rink for some winter fun.
- Volunteer – Serve together at a local shelter or participate in a toy or food drive.
- Hot Cocoa Bar Night – Set up a DIY hot chocolate bar with toppings like marshmallows, whipped cream, and candy canes.
- Live Nativity – Visit a live nativity scene nearby. Not sure where to find one? Google “live nativity near me” and see what comes up!
PUZZLES
- Life Before Social Media (1000 pieces) – Remind everyone what life was like before we were all glued to our phones! This could be a great discussion starter!
- The Eighties (1000 pieces) – Put on your 80s playlist (You know you have one!😂), and educate your kids about the good old days before computers, cell phones, and texting.
- Sweet Tooth (1000 pieces) – Pick up the candy in the puzzle on your next grocery store run, and let the puzzle-doers enjoy the candy when they’ve put together the corresponding puzzle pieces.
CRAFTS
- Check out the selection of “Gingerbread Houses” on Amazon! I guarantee you’ll be surprised!
- Have everyone make a Christmas ornament! THIS one is cute and easy and works for anyone!
- THIS fun spinning Christmas ornament kit went viral this year!
- Bake and decorate Christmas cookies! Find 60+ easy Christmas cookie recipes HERE.
What do you do to strengthen relationships with those you love? I’d love to know your tips for making the most of the holidays with your kids. Please leave me a comment below and share your advice! You guys have so much wisdom!
You are a great mom, Suzy with lots of great tips! Nice to hear you are a follower of Christ.
Jayla,
Thanks so much for your sweet comment! My faith is the foundation of all that I am and all that I do!
I’m so glad you found this post helpful, and you are so kind to let me know!
Merry Christmas!
Suzy
I just found you yesterday as I was searching for perspective on dealing with my adult kids (35-20 years of age). There is some tension in the family this year and I am trying to look for my own mistakes in handling things and putting things in proper perspective. You have given some great ideas, the first two being the most important. Thank you. We have only one thing planned and that is decorating the tree together this Sunday. I asked, didn’t assume, the date and so far it’s a go.
Laura,
Oh, sweet mama! It can be rough navigating these waters! I hope your day goes beautifully tomorrow. I’m praying for you!
Consider asking forgiveness for anything you know you’ve done wrong and letting your kids know that you’re working on it and you need their help. The humility that you show and the effort you put forth will mean a lot to them, I promise. Then when you mess up again (and you will!), be quick to catch yourself and apologize. Just knowing you’re working on things will help your relationship, I promise.
Hugs to you, and Merry Christmas, Laura. I’m so glad you’re here!
xoxo
Suzy
Thank you so much for your articles on strengthening bonds with adult children. I definitely have needed your words of wisdom. I fall into the Mom mode of giving advice way too often and it creates a lot of stress in my life. It’s all about control. With God’s help and yours, I am working on this. In fact, I believe God directed me to your site. Love you, Suzy, and Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Judy,
You are too kind! Thank you for your sweet words. My friend, Jim Burns, who wrote the book Doing Life with Your Adult Children, used this phrase as his tagline for the book: “Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out!” (Book HERE if you’re interested: https://amzn.to/3ZJ9UtN) That’s great advice!
I’ve found lots of prayer, and reading James 1:26 shook me when I was trying to work on holding my tongue with my kids: “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” (Um, “worthless” is a REALLY strong word!)
With adult kids, remember, you’re playing the long game. Holding your tongue in the moment will help your relationship in the long run. Be quick to apologize when you mess up and even consider asking the kids to use a certain phrase (Like, “Mom! You’re doing it again!”) when you start to give advice.
Also, I recommend actually WRITING DOWN a list of things you could say to encourage your kids before you spend time with them. That way you’ll be prepared!
Hugs to you, sweet Judy! You can do it, and I’m so proud of you for recognizing your issues. That’s a huge step! I’m praying for you!
xoxo
Suzy
Oh my goodness! What timely advice. I sure needed to read this today.
You always come up with such great things for us to think about.
I see myself trying to “give advice” more than I should at times but I’m working on this.
Another thing I need to work on is your second tip, adjusting my expectations.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful blessed Christmas.
Juliet,
I’m so glad you found this post helpful! I published it today partly to remind myself of these things. (Heading to the airport to pick up my daughter in a few minutes!)
You can do it! Being aware is a huge step in the right direction. Be sure to tell the kids you are working on it and trying to get better! You could even ask them to remind you when you overstep – then apologize quickly and move on. You’re playing the long game, so have patience with yourself!
Know I’m praying for you!
xoxo
Suzy
Thank you for this awesome post and reminder Suzy!
You are a joy to follow and always make me think
Merry Christmas to you and yours
Jayne,
Thank you so much for your kind comment! I’m so grateful to you for following me. I hope you’ll consider sharing Empty Nest Blessed with others!
Hugs to you and Merry Christmas!
xoxo
Suzy
Suzy,
GREAT article! I copied it and put it in my notes App under “Parenting the Best Way!”
Happy Christmas to you and your family!
XO,
Julie Marshall
Julia,
Thank you so much! I love that you saved it! You can always find old posts by using the search engine on the website as well. Plus, you can follow me on Pinterest (https://www.pinterest.com/emptynestblessed/) and find content there as well!
If it was helpful to you, it would probably be helpful to someone you know, so I hope you might consider sharing it with a friend or family member, too! Sharing my content and helping others discover ENB is truly the kindest compliment you can give me!
I’m thrilled you liked it! I’m always reminding myself of these things as I’m writing them! Have a wonderful Christmas with your family, and thanks again for taking the time to leave a comment!
xoxo
Suzy
As always, your post is perfectly timed and SO ENCOURAGING! I’ve said this before, but you’re my favorite blogger! Your wisdom & love for others & Christ shine! I’ll be praying for you (and all Mamas) as we navigate Christmas with our beloved families! I am keeping in mind how BLESSED we are to still have each other & gather together & that my adult kids still want to spend time with us! I know that’s not the case with everyone. God has blessed us GREATLY! 🙏 🩷 That is not lost on me!
Merry Christmas, Suzy ~and ALL the sweet Mama’s out there! Here’s to enjoying our greatest blessings!
Amy,
You are such a great cheerleader! Thank you, and thank you for praying for our little community! Parenting adult kids is a joy and challenge, like parenting at any age and stage! Who knew, right? I don’t know about you, but I somehow thought I would be done! Now I look at that and think about how foolish that was!
Our adult kids need us now more than ever! Kids at ANY age want to know that their parents are proud of them and believe in them. Once the grandbabies come, it can be tempting to rush to them when family comes over, but I try to be intentional about hugging Mom and Dad FIRST!
I know you must be such an encouragement to your family, Amy! You encouraged me today! Blessings to you and your sweet family this Christmas.
xoxo
Suzy
Thank you for sharing your wisdom! My son is 22 and heading into his last semester of college. It’s tricky because he’s an adult but still on our bankroll. Ha ha! I’m trying hard to tread lightly with him and his beautiful girlfriend. Humor is great when things get sticky around here. Last week, he said “Mom! I’m 22 years old. If I want something to eat, I’ll eat!” I hugged him, laughed and told him “Mom’s gotta mom!” But I made a mental note. Thanks for your encouragement!! God bless you abundantly in 2025!
Susan
Susan,
Thanks for sharing your story! He sounds so cute! You’re on the right track, Mama.
As he ages, “Mom has gotta mom” LESS, for sure!
Today, my daughter, who is home from grad school, didn’t eat anything until 3 pm, and I was having a fit inside. But I didn’t say a thing! Hahaha!
I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! Working on parenting adult kids will not come naturally, and I’m so proud of you for making those mental notes when it’s clear you’ve overstepped.
Have a wonderful Christmas, sweet Susan!
xoxo
Suzy