When Your Adult Kids Come Home: 7 Tips for Happy Holiday Visits

When your adult kids come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, everything changes in the best (and sometimes most chaotic) ways. The house fills with laughter, conversation, and well, just noise! Sometimes there are grandkids in the mix too, adding a whole new level of energy and joy. Suddenly, your peaceful empty nest is alive again, and if you’re like me, your heart just about bursts.

But let’s be honest, it’s an adjustment too. Everyone has grown, changed, and gotten used to new rhythms. They’ve been adulting (well, more or less 😉), and you’ve been living your own life. So how can we make the most of these precious visits without slipping back into old (sometimes unhealthy) relationship patterns or feeling frazzled by all there is to do?

In Empty Nest Blessed: 60 Days to Finding Joy in the Empty Nest, I wrote about this very season of life, when the nest refills, even if just for a few days. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years about keeping the peace, cherishing the moments, and filling your home with comfort and joy throughout the holiday season.

1. Pray and Prepare Your Heart

Before the doorbell rings and the hugs begin, take time to pray. (Ideally, do this for days or weeks before.) Ask the Lord to help you focus on loving well, not controlling, fixing, or over-parenting. He knows how much you long for connection with your kids (and those precious grands if they’re coming too), and He’ll give you the grace to hold your tongue when needed, not advise without being asked, and respond to any “attitude” with gentleness and love.

Remember, you’ve shifted from manager to mentor, and that new role comes with freedom and peace when you invite Him into it.

2. Set Realistic Expectations

In my book, I call unrealistic expectations “thieves of joy,” and during the holidays, they can sneak in quickly. Don’t script how the visit should look. If you struggle with expectations and disappointment, you’re not alone! I wrote an entire blog post called Coping With Expectations & Disappointment in the Empty Nest, because it’s something so many of us find challenging. You can read that post HERE.

Release the idea of the perfect dinner, perfect family photo, or perfect conversation. Instead, embrace what is: the laughter, the interruptions, and even the late-night kitchen chats.

If you stop chasing “perfect,” you’ll start noticing “precious.”

3. Welcome Them Warmly and Respect Their Independence

Yes, they’ll always be your babies, but they’re also adults now, maybe even with babies of their own. Give them the same respect you’d show a friend who’s come to stay. Ask what their plans are, whether they’d like alone time, and how you can make them comfortable.

And if grandkids are along for the visit, remember that your adult children are the parents. Let them take the lead in setting routines and boundaries. Your graciousness and flexibility will make everyone feel loved and seen, and your kids will appreciate that you’re deferring to their parenting. (Whether or not you agree with it is beside the point.)

4. Focus on Gratitude, Not Guilt

It’s easy to slip into guilt, wishing you’d had more time, wishing they’d stay longer, or wishing things were like they used to be. But gratitude shifts everything. Thank God for every meal, conversation, and moment you share.

Whether you’re baking cookies with your grandkids or staying up late chatting with your grown children, a grateful heart turns chaos into contentment. And that joy? It’s contagious.

5. Be a Friend, Not a Fixer

When your adult kids open up about their lives, resist the urge to offer advice (I know, it’s hard!). Listen more than you speak. Ask questions that invite them to share, not defend.

Friendship is the foundation of healthy adult relationships with our kids, and that trust builds when they know you’re a safe place to land. That’s especially important when little ears are listening and learning how your family loves and communicates.

6. Keep Your Sense of Humor

If something goes sideways (and it probably will), laugh it off. The turkey might be dry, someone might forget to pack something, or the conversation might get awkward, but humor diffuses tension and helps everyone relax.

Show your kids that you don’t take yourself too seriously. A well-timed chuckle says, “We’re in this together,” louder than any lecture ever could.

7. End on a Sweet Note

When it’s time for goodbyes, don’t guilt-trip or dwell on sadness. Give hugs, say “I love you,” and tell them how grateful you are that they came home. Then, instead of focusing on the silence that follows, celebrate what you shared and maybe plan a little something special for yourself afterward.

You’ve earned it, mama!

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A Final Thought

Whether your home will be bustling with family this season or you’re connecting from afar, remember that love doesn’t depend on proximity or perfection. It’s expressed in phone calls, prayers, FaceTime smiles, and quiet hopes for your children and their futures.

Every family story looks a little different, and that’s okay. Whether you’re welcoming grandkids, waiting on answered prayers, or nurturing relationships that are tense or struggling, take heart. God is at work in every season, weaving His goodness through it all.

You’ll find even more encouragement and practical parenting tips like these in my book Empty Nest Blessed: 60 Days to Finding Joy in the Empty Nest. It’s the perfect companion for this stage of life or a meaningful gift for another empty nester who’s navigating the same beautiful chaos.

What do you do to keep the peace and make the most of your time when your adult kids come home? I’d love to know! Share your thoughts in the comments — your wisdom always blesses me and this community.

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