How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Empty Nester Marriage

couple in an empty nester marriage posing in front of black doors at a restaurant. wife wearing red dress and man wearing blazer and slacks.

That empty nester marriage of yours needs nurturing! When the kids were in the nest, it was easy to make excuses for not taking time for each other. But now, our little excuses have moved out of the house, and we need to prioritize our empty-nester marriages by showing love to our spouses every day.

Make Eye Contact

Last Sunday at church, I met someone new. As I talked with her, I looked her right in the eye, wanting to make a connection with this cute new friend. It made me think about how rarely I look Bob in the eyes for more than a second or two these days. Oh, we’re best friends, talk all the time, and do lots of things together, but I don’t spend a lot of time really looking at him. I resolved right then and there to try to do better.

man and woman wearing mickey mouse ears at a party — We dutifully wore our mouse ears at our grandaughter’s Minnie Mouse-themed 2nd birthday party!

Laugh More

Life is just too short to take everything so seriously! I mean, I know we are in the midst of kind of, er, interesting times right now in our nation, but if we can’t laugh at a few things here and there, we’re really in trouble, am I right?

One day, when Bob left his phone on the counter, I opened it and went to my page on his contacts app. Once there, I changed my name from “Suzy” to “My Hot Wife.” The next time I called him, he answered the phone laughing so hard he could barely breathe! (I’d like it noted that he’s never changed it! It still says “My Hot Wife” whenever I call! 🤣)

man standing on pavers in front yard wearing khakis, a shirt, and a blazer

close up of man's shirt and blazer design

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woman standing in front yard wearing red dress posing and looking into camera

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On one of our very first dates in college, I was trying to put ketchup on my french fries. (Remember when we could eat fries without worrying about our thighs or cholesterol levels?😂) I banged and banged on the bottom of the bottle (not sure what kind of wicked thing they do to ketchup, but if you are the first person using the bottle, forget about it!😅). When the ketchup finally came out, it not only went all over my fries, but it pretty much went all over Bob as well! I bring that up almost every time we eat fries together, and we have a good laugh.

Smile More

Smiling is the cheapest anti-aging beauty trick out there, and it’s been shown actually to make you happier. Also, people who smile are often perceived as more attractive, likable, and competent. (Sign me up!😁🙋‍♀️) When it comes to relationships, smiling stimulates the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, which are associated with feelings of pleasure and happiness.

woman and man standing with bruiser the baylor mascot

Smiling and laughing are cousins, and I think it’s so important to smile and not get too worked up over little things. We talk a lot about the things we share in common, like Baylor sports, the cute things our kids used to do, and things we both find funny – like movies or our favorite shows on TV. We love (clean) comedians like Nate Bargatze and Leanne Morgan, and we’re constantly sharing funny or interesting Instagram reels with one another.

Say “Thank You.”

I honestly believe those two little words can transform your empty nester marriage. In fact, I wrote an entire post about that. It’s backed up by science, y’all! One of the key ingredients of a happy marriage is what the authors of this study cumbersomely called “spousal expression of gratitude.”

couple wearing blue outfits standing in a garden next to a white table

Bob and I say thank you to each other all the time! “Thank you for dinner.” “Thank you for taking out the trash.” “Thanks for filling up the water in the coffee maker.” “Thanks for hanging up my towel by the shower.” Just thinking of all the things you could be thanking your spouse for will help you love them more!

Become a More Frequent Hugger

A recent study out of The University of California at Berkley found that a hug actually has anti-inflammatory and anti-aging benefits. (Whoa!) It’s got to do with the hormone “oxytocin” (adorably nicknamed the “love hormone”), which is responsible for that warm, loving feeling we get when we give or receive a hug.

Levels of the hormone naturally drop as we age, and evidence suggests that could be a contributing factor to the deterioration of our bodies. Y’all, let’s hug our husbands more this year. This time next year, they’ll be looking about 26, so y’all get ready, okay? 🤣