A Step-by-Step Plan For Finding Your Purpose in the Empty Nest

What does it mean to find your purpose? After the kids leave the nest, it can be challenging to figure out how life as an empty nester is supposed to look! Without a doubt, raising kids is a sacred calling. It’s meaningful, rewarding work that grabs your heart, gives you purpose, and never really lets you go. You’ll always be a parent. But once the kids have left the nest, it’s normal to think, “What now?”

There are some excellent resources out there that can guide you as you adjust to the empty nest, but once that initial period of grief and adjustment is over, the question remains: What does it mean to find your purpose in the empty nest? Do you want to go back to school? Enter or reenter the workforce? Start your own business? Become a volunteer extraordinaire or cultivate a hobby that you haven’t had time for in the past 18+ years? All of those are valid and meaningful!

I remember thinking, “I guess I’ve got about a third of my life left. How am I going to make it count?” I know from your emails that many of you have struggled with the same thing. Today we’re going to talk about it, and I’m going to share a step-by-step plan to help you find meaning and purpose in the empty nest.

1. Get to Know Yourself (Again)

When your kids were in the nest, you may not have spent a lot of time on introspection! Between baseball practice, meal prep, and organizing the PTA, let’s face it: your focus was on them. (And that’s a good thing!) But now it’s time to get to know yourself again. You’ll probably find that you’re a very different person than you were before you had kids! Your skill set and passions may have changed significantly!

What are your skills and abilities? What are you good at? Make a list of those things, and even consider getting some input from those who know you best. When I was trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do after our nest emptied, I texted a few close friends and family members (including my kids!) and asked them to describe me in three words. This was very helpful, and even encouraging! (At least, until someone called me “bossy.”😂)

So often, we don’t see ourselves the way others see us, and figuring out how others view us can provide us with valuable information as we seek to move forward.

Think about using this formula:

• Who you were before you had kids (your passions, skills, and gifts)
• ➕
• What you learned as you raised your kids (new passions, skills, and gifts you didn’t know you had!)
• ➕
• Information you’ve gleaned about how others see you
• EQUALS =
• Guidance as you seek your purpose in the empty nest

2. Find Your Passion(s)

What gets your heart racing and your blood pumping? What do you love? What makes you excited? Do you love photography? Singing? Yoga? Research how you could get more involved with what you love. We live in a day and age where information is just a keystroke away! Do a deep dive into Google. It’s a simple place to start.

Next, explore and learn more about what you love. Is there a group you can join, classes you can take, or an “expert” who would be willing to talk with you? Emily Landers, host of the podcast How’d She Do That? recommends “informational interviews.” Be brave and reach out to someone you admire in your area of interest! Chances are, they’ll be flattered, honored, and excited to share their journey with you.

When I started as a blogger (a field populated by twenty- and thirty-somethings), I did all of those things! I spent hours looking at other blogs, especially those aimed at women over fifty. I love fashion, but I knew I didn’t just want to talk about fashion. I love beauty products, but becoming a beauty blogger didn’t seem purposeful enough for me. Once I was able to hone in on what I really felt passionate about, I found my purpose, and Empty Nest Blessed was born. To this day, that purpose hasn’t changed. I want to bless, encourage, and inspire empty nesters, and I want Empty Nest Blessed to be as multi-faceted as we are as women! That’s why I write about everything from fashion and beauty to cooking for two and parenting adult kids (and more!).

Still, at 50, it’s tough to put yourself back into learning mode! After all, you’re used to being the parent—the person in the know! I learned to humble myself, be brave enough to ask for help, and expect that sometimes I would feel stupid and, well, old. But I also learned that there were so many people who were happy to help and encourage me along the way.

3. Don’t Look Around (Too Much)

There will always be people who are better than you at what you do, and there will always be people who are worse than you. Don’t wait to start until you get things perfect because if you do, you might never start! If something doesn’t work, you can always change it later. Very, very few decisions in life are irreversible! Try not to worry about what others think or what they’re doing. Instead, cultivate a humble heart, stay in your lane, and do things your way. No one has your unique set of gifts, abilities, and passions, and no one will do things exactly like you. Find your specific niche, your unique take on things, or your one-of-a-kind viewpoint, and focus on that.

It probably took you a while to find your purpose, so stay focused on it and press forward!

4. Persevere

Most things are more difficult and time-consuming than they look. If you want to find your purpose in the empty nest, it will probably mean sticking with something longer than you initially think. Persevere and stick with it! Seek out people who will cheer you on and encourage you in your pursuit. One of my favorite books is Grit: The Power of Passion & Perseverance by Angela Duckworth. She believes that what truly drives success is not “genius” but a combination of passion and long-term perseverance, which she calls “grit.” Her TED talk (below) inspired and motivated me as I sought to find my purpose in the empty nest.

5. Separate Your Worth From Your “Work”

Your “work” is whatever you do that gives your life purpose. I have an empty nester friend who spends hours every day praying and preparing Bible Study lessons to share with other women. That’s her work. I have another who has gone back to school so she can take over the family business when her parents are ready to retire. That’s her work. Others have gotten their real estate licenses, become museum docents, or started jewelry, stationery, or pottery businesses. Each one found meaningful work in the empty nest, but it took time, perseverance, and focus to do it.

As you seek to find your purpose, remember that your worth is not in your work. Your worth is not in doing. Your life has meaning aside from what you do. God gave you unique talents and gifts, and He can call you to different vocations and purposes throughout your life!

When our daughter was little, she had an old, smelly lovey named Mimi. When Becca wanted to go outside and play with her brothers, she would ask me to take care of Mimi for her. Once the door closed behind her, I didn’t throw Mimi on the floor or toss Mimi into a closet somewhere. Mimi’s value was ascribed to her by her owner, who loved and cherished her, and I watched over Mimi and cared for her based on that value, not what I saw when I looked at her.

Your value to your family, your friends, and this world is ascribed to you by your Creator, and He loves you! Ephesians 2:10 says, For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. 

As you seek to find your purpose in the empty nest, remember that God has prepared them beforehand for you! Work to find your purpose, and identify those good works. Then walk forward with perseverance and focus.

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My Story

I recently had the opportunity to share more about finding your purpose in the empty nest on the Midlife Momma Podcast with host Pamela Henkelman! I talked about how I found my purpose, what it was like to learn to overcome my fears and insecurities, and, practically speaking, how I learned the tech aspects of what I do. (Which is pretty hilarious, btw!) You can listen to that episode by clicking HERE.

Have you found your purpose in the empty nest, or are you still working on it? I’d love to know where you are on your journey and what’s been helpful to you! Please leave me a comment and let me know.

RESOURCES I RECOMMEND

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