Whether our kids are Millennials or part of Gen Z, what we do and what we say as parents still means the world to them. Oh, they may act like they’re all independent and adulty, but deep down, even they will admit that it’s true. This idea of how best to bless and encourage them has been on my heart for awhile, so I consulted with my kids, asking them to help me put together a list of how parents could bless and encourage their grown kids. Some of the things on their list were not surprising (gifts!), but some were (presence). Today I’m sharing the list with you.
1. Gifts
The best gifts are personal and meaningful to the recipient. In our family, we’ve always given what we call, “I Love You Gifts.” They are simply gifts that don’t need an occasion. They usually aren’t expensive or over-the-top. Think a Starbucks e-gift card when you know your college kid has a busy week of tests and isn’t getting much sleep or a big bag of their favorite candy sent straight from Amazon. Want to go bigger? Check out the great care packages by my friends over at MidtermFix.
2. Thoughtfulness
Let’s face it, when it comes to our kids, out of sight is never out of mind. It’s just encouraging to know that someone is thinking of us, isn’t it? Our daughter has had a busy summer, living at home while taking summer school, working, and rehearsing or performing in shows at a local theater at night. There were days when our schedules wouldn’t match up, and I wouldn’t see her at all. If I went to bed before she got home, I would go up to her room, turn on some lamps and turn down her bed. She said when she got home she loved knowing that I thought of her and missed her while she was gone. When the kids are out of the nest, it can mean doing something like forwarding a news story or funny video that you think they’d love.
3. Prayer
I think prayer is so important that I wrote a whole post about how I pray for my kids. (Stormie Omartian’s book, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children has been really helpful!) My kids know I am praying for them, and they are encouraged by it. Truly, it’s the most valuable thing we can do for them.
4. Presence
There are times when Facetime just won’t do the trick, and they need a real life hug from Mom or Dad. In our family, we call this the “ministry of presence.” It’s not about rescuing them; but rather, coming alongside them when they need it most and you can do it best. Bad breakup with the boyfriend? Really sick? Completely overwhelmed with life? If you’re close enough, practice the ministry of presence.
5. Ask the “Expert”
As our kids leave the nest, they learn and grow. Most likely, they will become “experts” in a field that is not familiar to you. You can bless and encourage them by asking intelligent questions about their field, listening to their answers with interest, and asking follow-up questions. With a son in law school and a daughter who is studying meteorology, we do this all the time – and we’ve learned a lot! Everybody likes to share their knowledge and insight. Give your kids a chance to show off a little. And then encourage them by telling them how impressed you are with them. (You really will be!)
6. Communicate (with no expectation of reciprocation)
Send a text, email, or even snail mail with a word of encouragement, a Bible verse, a family picture or a funny story. Did you know that 18-24-year-olds typically send and receive over 128 texts every day? Letting your kids know that they don’t need to respond might be the biggest blessing of all!
What do you do to bless and encourage your big ole’ kids? I’d love to know. Please leave me a comment and share your good ideas. 🙂
Blessings,
Photo by Megan Weaver.
Resources to Help You Bless and Encourage Your Kids
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Melody Smith says
July 26, 2017 at 7:02 amYou are so right! Grown kids need your support just as much as when they were at home; it just takes a different direction.I remember how much it meant to have my parents “in our corner” as we were first married and starting our family, but I also remember we didn’t care for unsolicited advice! So one of the things we’re passionate about is listening to our kids without judgment or advice. We also pray for them and tell them that we are. Sometimes I tell them a specific prayer we’re praying, such as “I know God loves you and your family. I’m praying he’ll help you know the best decision to make about ______” Recently, I sent my daughter-in-law a text similar to that, and she texted back it was just what she needed and made her challenge easier.
EmptyNestBlessed says
July 26, 2017 at 4:01 pmMelody,
You are so full of wisdom! Thank you for sharing that wonderful advice! You sound like the BEST mother-in-law! The most important thing you said was that you communicate with them about what you are praying for them. It’s one thing to do it, but it means so much to them if they know it too. Thank you for your precious comment. xoxo Suzy
Beth says
July 26, 2017 at 8:06 amThank you for these tips. My adult kids are 27 and 25. My oldest has been dealing with drug addiction for the past 10 years and he left the area 4 years ago. We have no way to communicate with him. My youngest moved about 3 hours away a year ago to finish college and pursue a career. She and I text often throughout the day and use Facebook messenger to communicate. It’s been hard to find the right balance between letting go and allowing her to be independent and still giving support. I haven’t wanted to repeat the mistake of enabling as I did with my son. I have the book on prayer by Stormie and love it.
Thank you again.
EmptyNestBlessed says
July 26, 2017 at 4:06 pmOh, Beth, I will pray for your precious son. I am so sorry to hear about this. It must be unbelievably painful for you. I pray that the Lord will comfort you and encourage your heart daily with His love and grace. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed you with a sweet relationship with your 25-year-old and I’m so glad you love that book as much as I do. Every time I finish it, I just turn to the front and start it again! Thank you so much for your comment. Big hugs to you, and thank you for sharing. Please stay in touch. xoxo Suzy
Beth says
July 26, 2017 at 10:37 pmThank you Susy for your prayers, kind words and encouragement.
Blessings to you,
Beth
EmptyNestBlessed says
July 27, 2017 at 2:22 pmAw, Beth, that is so sweet! You are a blessing and encouragement to me! Thank you. xoxo Suzy
donna says
July 26, 2017 at 9:04 amNumber 6: YES!!!
I am so guilty of allowing my feelings to be hurt when the kids don’t respond to my texts or calls. I have actually had a battle in the mind thinking “well then, I won’t text until they text back! I see them on social media so they can easily text and let me know they are not dead!”
How very high school of me!
At 25 (dd married), 23(ds engaged), 20(ds going to his sophomore year in college) 19(ds also a sophomore this fall) I REALLY need to get it into my head that they have a life and they are not cutting us out. They are just super busy. Just the way the hubby and I were when we were that age. Heck, by 25 we were married with our first baby!
So thanks so much for this post. It was just the reminder I needed. As a matter of fact, I just FB messaged my future daughter in law to ask about wedding plans ;).
Enjoy the day!
EmptyNestBlessed says
July 26, 2017 at 4:15 pmDonna, your comment just meant the world to me! I think it’s really hard to adjust to parenting an adult child. We’ve all felt the way you felt! I keep reminding myself that the GOAL of our parenting was friendship with our kids, and actually raising kids we would WANT to be friends with! Now that they’re grown, I need to act like a really good friend to them so that they WANT to be friends with me too. I think sometimes they blow us off a little because we are “safe” to do that with – they know we will love them anyway! In a way, being someone’s “safe place” is a really good place to reside, amirite? Thanks again for your honest comment. You sound like a wonderful mom! xoxo Suzy
Carole Pope says
July 27, 2017 at 4:12 amWhat a great post and comments from others in the same boat!
I have already replied on instagram but wanted to say I agree so much with The Ministry of Presence! Great name, I shall be calling it that from now on!
We have taken a day off work to help our daughter move flats in London tomorrow. She didn’t ask knowing it was a week day but was so pleased when we said ‘we are coming to help!’ Lovely to support them when we can and are needed.
EmptyNestBlessed says
July 27, 2017 at 2:26 pmCarole, you are practicing the “ministry of presence” with your daughter! Mine always especially appreciate it when we do something that involves getting dirty or sweaty! Good luck to you. You’re a great mom. xoxo Suzy