Seasons of life march relentlessly onward. There is no stopping them, slowing them down, or reversing gears. Truly, time is the most precious commodity. You can’t sell it, trade for it, or buy it. When it is gone, you can’t get more of it. You simply have to accept that it is gone, and move forward. (This is easier said than done, my friends!) When you are in specific seasons of life, they tend to define you. Much like winter, spring, summer, or fall, the transition from one season to the next happens gradually, yet that doesn’t diminish the extremity of each specific season. Transitions are not effortless.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…” Ecclesiastes 3:1
After twenty-three years of parenting, the transition to the empty nest did not come easily or seamlessly for me. I struggled in those first days, weeks, and even months. My brain kind of got stuck on the refrain, “Nobody’s home. Everybody’s gone.” It played in my mind over and over and over again. At the same time I was grieving the end of one season, I was full of anxiety about the next season. What would I do? Where would I invest my time? The very plethora of options only served to overwhelm me.
If you are feeling this way today, know that what you are feeling is normal. Give yourself permission to slow down and grieve the close of a season that was significant and defining in your life. Don’t feel that you have to move on quickly or decisively. If you don’t give yourself the appropriate time to process the transition from one season to the next, you may never be able to move forward in a healthy way. If you need to get professional help, please do it. (Lots of people do.)
Slowly and gradually you will find yourself able to think about moving forward. Take time with this too. After years of laying down your life for your children and considering their needs above your own, it is going to take some time to feel comfortable thinking about yourself. What makes you excited? What are your passions? What do you love? Take the time to reconnect with yourself. Explore your options. Talk to friends (or even friends of friends) who can help you. Delve into resources that can help. Planning your next steps will take time. Give it the time it is due.
Deciding to start Empty Nest Blessed was a journey that stemmed from five years of prayer and searching. As I’ve shared before, when my first child left home, I saw that the end was in sight and began thinking, praying, and reading about the next season of life. (I’d like to tell you that when the actual empty nest came, this made it easier, but that would not be the truth! The grieving process still had to be given its due.) For me, a big part of deciding to start my blog was my life-long passion for encouraging others. I wanted to encourage other women on the journey through this transition and beyond. One thing I knew? I didn’t only want to write about the actual transition to the empty nest, but instead to focus on coming alongside other women who were struggling with what life would look like beyond the season of mothering. Once I was ready to move forward, I spent a great deal of time researching and learning. I met with other bloggers. I took classes. I learned how to build a website and navigate social media. Honestly, it was (and sometimes still is) daunting.
Choosing to learn and grow in the empty nest season has not been the easy path. Growth is hard, and it takes courage! It is often uncomfortable, embarrassing, and even scary. Not really a fearful person by nature, I think I underestimated the fear I would feel by choosing to put myself out there in such a public way! (My new refrain that plays on repeat: “Fear is my friend. Fear is my friend.”) Choosing to stay in my comfort zone would have been easier and safer (We do love comfort, don’t we?), but I am so glad I didn’t.
Thank you for encouraging me on this journey. I am truly grateful. Know that I want to encourage you on yours. I’d love to know your hopes and dreams for the empty nest season of life. If you’re feeling brave, leave me a comment, okay?
Blessings,
RESOURCES THAT HELPED ME ALONG THE WAY
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Hi Suzy.
I have advanced from our instagram connection to finally getting your blog on my work email to give me a little boost at this time of year as I send my youngest son back to University for his second year. After graduating this summer my daughter starts her first job on Monday!
I am proud of myself as I have just booked myself into a retreat with a group of ladies all facing changes in their lives. No husbands, just ‘me’ time while we discuss our hopes and anxieties about our next ‘season’. Thanks for your encouragement!
Wow, Carol! I am so proud of you and super impressed. I think this retreat is a great idea and sounds like fun! Support (and lots of girlfriends!) are really important when you are going through big changes like this. Good for you. Have so much fun and let me know how it goes, okay? And thanks so much for coming over to the blog. You made my day! xoxo
I’m glad I found you. I was anticipating the empty nest 13 years ago but then I had my late in life child. I have 3 who have graduated from college and a 13 year old. It’s true – transitions are not effortless.
Since we had to start over again we’ve learned a lot and are probably better prepared for the empty nest when it arrives.
Nylse, wow! You have quite a story. I admire you and bet your 13-year-old is just thriving under the love and attention from her parents AND her older siblings. I am so glad you found me and emptynestblessed.com! Hugs to you and thanks so much for sharing! Xoxo
This is just what I needed today. I just moved my youngest child into college this past weekend and I have been lost all week. I had planned on the sadness, but not the head fog I have been feeling. Such an unexpected, strange & exasperating feeling…
Oh, sweet Kim, my heart just goes out to you. It is not easy. Give it the time it deserves and be kind to yourself. Thank you for sharing. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Xoxox
Hi Suzy! So great to meet you last week at the Dallas Theta Alumnae Event! I am enjoying your blog as I am into week 2 of being an empty nester! Here is a lovely poem a friend sent to me I wanted to share…enjoy.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
– Kahlil Gibran
Victoria, oh my word, that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing. What a precious poem. Hang in there! It does get easier and you are more able to see the blessings of this new season. The cherry on top of the sundae is when you see your children growing and maturing! They are His, and we are just to be stewards for a season. Thinking of you as you adjust! Excited to be new friends!!! xoxo
Love today’s post, Suzy! And thank you, Victoria, for the poem by Kahlil Gibran. It is a lovely reminder that is very helpful during what I have found to be a significant transition period.
Maury, thank you for the encouragement and wise words. You are an example and a blessing!!! TLAM xoxo
Suzie, I am just discovering your blog. You have shed such great light on what I am experiencing in life right now. I became an empty nester last year when our last of three went off to college. I feel so stuck some times trying to decide what I want to do now, yet at the same time all that you describe is so true of me. I am having to get to know myself. There is so much about me and for me that I neglected all these years, 26 to be exact. To add on, since we married and had children later in life (early 30’s) it all has all hit as I am turning 60 this month. I am an active 60 so the age is more a number but a true reality that time is moving ahead. I am in a love hate relationship with where I am right now. Anyway, I wont continue on, but thank you for validating where I am right now. I did not know that this is a stag to my grief and discovery and that truly I will get pass this and the best is yet to come.
Blessing,
Carolyn
Carolyn,
I was so happy to hear from you and I’m so sorry you are struggling. You sound like you are processing and making progress in your journey, and I’m so proud of you.???? I’m so happy you found Empty Nest Blessed! Please stay in touch.
xoxo Suzy